You are not riddled with a lack of talent. If anything, you are riddled with self doubt, sprinkled with a bit of self loathing. Because how can YOU deserve to do all that magic? How can YOU deserve to stand before people and make a difference?
When I was a teen, I wrote music, music that was good, music that basically only my closest friends ever heard along with some strangers at dark open mics. I would quickly shuffle off stage and hide, running away, lest anyone wanted to talk to me. I was beyond shy when it came to do my own stuff, to showing off what I did well when it mattered this much.
Blend that with a healthy dose of “You can’t be a musician, you need a real job” a la family, and I’m not pushing records today. But I am doing what feels good in my heart, and it’s all for the best now. No regrets. But lessons learned.
When things matter a lot, we allow the most deep, unsettling doubts to take hold. Precisely because it matters. SO MUCH. Ironic, no? We’ll always find the time to do the stuff others want us to do, though.
Erikah Badou famously said “Now keep in mind, I’m an artist, and I’m sensitive about my shit.”
This sensitivity is a good thing. Because we can use it to make beautiful things, vulenrable things, things that light up the world, someone’s heart, someone’s shitty day, month or year.
In a world of gurus, where so many try to be whatever they dream, I used to be critical, of them, I thought. Now I’m compassionate, because I’m compassionate with myself. It often takes everything to get up before people and be. Back then, I couldn’t forgive them because I never felt good enough, underneath all that shyness. If I gave myself permission, I would have been ok giving others permission.
I command your courage and urge to stand up and go, despite what the critters in your head say. It’s a journey, and if we don’t try, don’t give our all, what was the point?