Does the word slave upset you? Does it make you feel like a powerless tool?
Well, let’s reframe that so we can play inside one of the most amazing and decadent experiences I’ve ever discovered…
Ever since I was a child, I was driven. I didn’t like to sleep. I created constantly, and remarkably I didn’t know what I was driven towards or by, really, but if I could liberate that consistent feeling I’ve lived with into a word, I would say “freedom.” I have always been driven by freedom, wanting nothing but IT in all areas of my life: creativity, time, emotions, friends, etc.
Even though the Soviet Union fell a year after my family immigrated from there, the irony of being born in that country has not been lost on me.
The slavery I speak of is not powerless. You can always say NO. But it hurts more when you do.
The slavery I speak of is the sweet inability to do anything but what you love in the world – it gets there one day, believe me – even when you’re not sure what it may look like yet. It’s a drive that doesn’t let you sleep, eat or function lest you acknowledge it and move towards it.
I always knew I wanted Spirit. I wanted to write. I wanted to make art. I wanted to build stuff. I wanted to help our world.
The form? Man, has it changed over the years… but I had to finally surrender and allow my mind to shut. the fuck. up.
What happened was lovely: I went mad for a while.
I watched my mind attempt to destroy everything beautiful it saw. It attacked the paradise I lived in, the loved man I was with, the clients I adored, the novel I was writing, the friends I had chosen, and most of all me. It attacked everything I was, ever have been and ever done.
It broke my heart and kicked me in the gut. Until I allowed the new form of my work, love, joy and clarity to show up, however it would.
It’s still showing up, and what it will finally look like is unclear but amazing, because I get to keep all the best parts of myself while exploring the uncharted territories of the edges of my creative heart.
I get to step aside, simply allowing it to unfold as it does, and I’m much happier, more relaxed, allowed to speak any write my mind, to share freely.
No control, thank you.
Can you do that? Can you stop controlling the FORM of your art, creative endeavor, technical ability and work?
Can you simply surrender to what your heart wants to do, make an empowering schedule for yourself – as loose as you need it right now – and just flow with it?
Try it on. Tell me how it goes…