We’ve had some massive transitions happen in the past few months. And not just because we had Lily.
Having to leave our house on Kauai for – illegal – reasons that angered me beyond belief, and for which I was almost in court suing our landlord, we spent about 10 days surrendering to it all. Finally, having taken some deep breaths, we decided to put our life into a storage container and to get off the island.
The signs had been coming. The mainland was calling. Family health issues, island fever and us missing family and friends brought us back for an extended visit.
We spent some time in Portland and then packed up our car and headed for NYC. Yeah, crossing the United States may have seemed like a pretty whimsical decision, but we simply wanted to do it that way. We wanted to drive, to see the northern states, to stop by friends’ we would have missed had we flown…
People said “No! You have a baby.” But we knew that Lily would be just fine, and she was. She loved it, actually. Even though, Montana’s first snow storm this season was our first snow storm in many seasons.
Through all of this motion, hard work and focus, I would catch myself wondering whether I was completely nuts for heading out into the BIG UNKOWN with my family. We could have stayed on island, found another house and just did it the way we’d been doing it. But instead, we had to save money, take time off work, (while expanding my business) AND be present for our little one.
This stretched everything I knew myself to be, and one day I woke up, looked at myself in the mirror and realized that someone new was facing me now. She was older, calmer and more peaceful.
I was meeting a new warrior: a softer, more trusting and a lot less scared version of myself. I had graduated to something else. Motherhood can do that.
We had to go. It was clear that it was time, and yet to trust the universe and the flow can be really insane.
It can take everything! Especially when lots of and lots of magic often doesn’t happen until the last minute, as per usual.
Don’t quit before the miracle.
We often are confronted with changes that happen TO us, and we don’t want them, aren’t comfortable with them, and yet they come. The big trick, I’ve discovered, is to have a healthy dose of questioning while acting on the hunches you get.
Intuition speaks softly sometimes, and it’s up to us to trust that the hunches will work out. They generally do, yet maybe not in the same way we think or hope they do.
This has served us all well.
We’re finding that while the big migration was stressful, that we got good at packing for us and baby, that we’ve figured out a schedule that works, even across timezones, and that the most important thing, really, is to have faith and to keep standing in gratitude.
Be grateful for ALL of it. Even the shitty stuff…
Because as you know, sometimes we only get clarity on what’s happened when we look back. Only in time do we discover that the challenge we saw as a hindrance, was actually a blessing.
It just takes time.
And surrendering isn’t generally that easy for us. Practice.
I wish I could tie a ribbon around this experience and Disney up the ending all pretty. But there’s no ending. There is just us, in NYC, enjoying and surviving it in equal measure, as I always have. Except now there are 3 of us in my old room, as we visit. And I get to see my parents, who are older, a bit less rowdy and a lot more mine.
(And sorry I didn’t have much time to write from the road. September would have been a lot of “PACKING PACKING PACKING” and October would have been a lot of “SLEEPING / WATCHING THE WEATHER CHANGE / BABY / SLEEPING / WATCHING THE WEATHER CHANGE / BABY” 🙂 )