My mother sat in her favorite chair watching her favorite television show, Masterpiece Theatre on PBS, and I quietly joined her on the couch, sneaking chocolate from the candy tray on the coffee table.
She looked at me quickly and squinted. “Don’t eat chocolate at night.”
There’s always chocolate in my parent’s house. It’s a Russian house thing I think. And of course it’s dark chocolate, ensuring no one ever eats a lot of it.
I had just moved back to the US after selling ALL my shit and moving to Australia only 6 months before.
A bit of a wreck, all my energy was going into work in order to shift the focus away from the rest of my life.
When I shifted my focus from my grave sense of failure, I reflected on the amazing parts, but there were a lot of not so amazing parts I simply HAD to move past, so upon return, my focus was work work work, move move move, shift focus NOW, don’t get stuck in the quagmire or any desired emotional depravity!
And New York is the easiest place to work like a horse.
Work here is the answer to EVERYTHING.
Home issues? Work.
We think the drive is money, but it’s not. It’s really a drive from within that wants to be expressed, somehow, and yet doesn’t exactly know how. It shows up as competition, desire for growth, whatever. Of course those things aren’t always compensation for something, but I certainly found that the things I hadn’t had the drive to do before were clearly present now.
I wanted to “fucking KILL it!” as some of my old friends on Wall St. used to say, when before that, I was convinced that saving the world from itself was my only purpose.
Ironic, no? You go from kayaking in the Australian seas one day, to putting ALL your energy into running a business and learning everything on the fly.
I’m not one to give “correct” advice. We all do what we are driven to do in whatever manner it happens. All I know is that truth DOES set you free. It just shows up in ways you didn’t expect it, and it can often look like leaving, starting over, tripping all over yourself until you learn to walk again. Sometimes it doesn’t have to be quite so dramatic.
Either way, if I could say anything on the matter of money and the rest of your life, I’d say this:
Money is energy.
Working FOR money is stupid because it’s all virtual and doesn’t actually exist.
Strive to live for EXPERIENCES, and map out a plan to LIVE FULLY, loving your life for what it is and changing the things you don’t love.
“How was your day?” She looked over at me in the dark.
“It was good.”
“Did you leave the house?”
“It’s cold, ma. I haven’t had a winter in 3 years.”
“You miss Australia?”
“Not even the nice parts?”
“Definitely the nice parts.”
“Then why do you say no?”
“Cus this chocolate is bitter!”